Guest Post by Ward Clever
Hi. I’m Ward Clever, a blogger type person.
According to my About Page that I just read, I’m a work of fiction come to life, a whore who can touch unicorns, a ghost manifest, a sensitive empath with a dark side, a watcher of the skies, a healer of healers, a lovable asshole, a guy who writes a nice bio.
Welcome to this thing. I am a little teapot, and I put my whole self in and shake it all about. That’s what it’s all about.
I’m a struggling romance addict, lover of visual kei, and I occasionally speak in other languages. Sarcasm, metaphors, hai, yatta, ayamachi ni obore. Oyasumi, oiche mhaith, tsai chen, bon nuit, buenas noches, and good night. I won’t explain myself, and I won’t stop ’til I get enough. But that’s all, because enough is plenty.
Here’s a little story about Mayor Maynot, called Mayor Maynot. He had an adventure, I guess, and this is it:
There once was a woman named David. But that was only once, so why bother talking about it? You know?
There once was a town called Malice. The town hated that name, and preferred to be called Sharon. And the town down the road was called Bob, which it liked, so it was cool with being called Bob. Well, it wasn’t long, like 15 minutes, before a town sprung up between them called Alike. This town wasn’t anthropomorphic, so it wasn’t sapient enough to give a shit what it was called. I think it would have enjoyed being called Alike, though.
Alike had a mayor. The mayor was Mayor Maynot. He spoke sort of like a pirate. Once people from Sharon came into the office and asked him “Who is in charge of this town?”
He said “I, Mayor Maynot, be in charge of this town.”
“Well are you, or are you not, in charge of this town?”
“Aye, I, Mayor Maynot, be in charge of this town Alike.”
“You can’t just be in charge because you like it.”
“Alike, it, this town, that I, Mayor Maynot, be in charge of.”
“Well, whether you like it is irrelevant. All we want to know is who is in charge of it.”
“Alike, the town?”
“I think so. You just said you did. Who is in charge of the town Alike.”
“I don’t be knowin’ what town you like, but Alike, this town, aye, I, Mayor Maynot, be in charge.”
“So if… but you said… I didn’t tell… aw, fuck it. We’re claiming this town in the name of Sharon!”
“Who be Shar-”
Just then, or maybe a few minutes later, actually, because Mayor Maynot paused to get a drink of something that Mayor Maynot be callin’ grog, there were some people from Bob who barged in the door. This was quite difficult, because the nearest water that could float a barge was 47 miles away, and that was just in a parade that celebrated the Loudest Cupcake Firecracker Rhubarb Turnover. But somehow, they managed.
“What is the meaning of this?”
“Well, it is a specific pronoun denoting something close to the speaker, as opposed to ‘that’, which would denote something a bit less clo-”
“No, I mean, or we mean, depending on how many people from Bob there are in this part of the story, this, denoting the fuck that is going on here.”
“OH, that. Well, we are from Sharon, and we have claimed Alike for our own. So, good day, and have a nice life.”
“Not so fast!”
“Fine. Oh…that. Well… we… are… from… Sharon-“
“No, your speaking speed was fine. I mean, your actions are premature. Who is in charge of this town?”
“I, Mayor Maynot, be in charge of this town, Alike.”
“It’s good that you like the town, but you should be a bit more definitive on who is in charge.”
“Alike, I said, I, aye, Mayor Maynot, be in charge of.”
“Crap. Has he been saying this all day?”
“Yeah, I can’t get anything else out of him. Anyway, we the people of Sharon claim this town. We’re annexing it. That means joining it with ours.”
“I thought ‘annex’ was that thing that holds up your head.”
“Nope, definitely the taking over thing. It’s ours. It belongs to Sharon.”
Just then, Mayor Maynot realized that there was a barge, and being a pirate, he got a bit of the sea in his shorts.
“I be givin you the town Alike on two conditions.”
“Okay, what are they” both sides asked him without a question mark. Wow, that is a fucking good trick!
“One, Bob, ye be giving me that barge, so that I may once again set sail or whatever ye set with a barge, what, a pole?”
“Yes, something like that” said the person or people from Bob. “But what’s in it for us?”
“Me second condition be fer ye.”
“What’s your second condition?” asked the people from Sharon.
“Sharon, share Alike.”
If you like that, then visit my blog for depressing poetry. And a few more things like that, of course.
And maybe buy a friend’s book? Not to be all promotional. Here’s that:
Edward Hotspur – Scenes From A Hundred Morning Drives
DID YOU KNOW:
Ward won the opportunity to guest blog on Scribbles on Cocktail Napkins by winning one of our Weekly Scribble Challenges. YOU can win the chance to guest post here too! Just click #SSC on the toolbar above to check out the final prompt for this season. Participation is quick and easy, and a great way to
procrastinate interact with your writing peers.
Flash fiction challenges fuel creativity. They’re a relatively painless pool for writers who’ve never posted their work to wet those feet, OR for established authors/bloggers to pick up a few new readers.
So, what are YOU waiting for? This week’s challenge wraps up Saturday. Unleash your writerly self.