Deleted Scene / Old Souls

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Authors are often forced to cut entire scenes. These cuts are usually made in the name of improving the pace of the story as a whole, or to simplify an overly complicated plot. I’ve written many, many, (many) scenes for Old Souls that no one else will *ahem* EVER see, and that’s okay. Writing them helped me figure out what didn’t work so I could focus on what would.

That said, I’m hoping that practice helps.

Because Old Souls is a fantasy novel populated by immortal characters, figuring out where to begin the story was exceptionally difficult. And I can prove it. I have a thumb drive filled with twenty-seven first chapters . . . and thirteen prologues. When I finally decided on where to begin the book, I cut eight chapters, 30,000 painstakingly edited words, and hundreds of hours of work from the manuscript. Gone was the scene where attackers descended upon an ancient city, separating Lucien from the black-haired woman. The scene where Lucien lost his only childhood friend. The scene where Lucien’s dying mother revealed the truth about his father. And, the scene where Lucien flushes his anti-psychotics to discover who–or what–he really is.

The book now opens in the middle of a breakdown. A fire in a crowded bar, started by none other that Lucien Navarro himself.

Which I love, but still. Sigh. I loved some of those scenes.

On the other hand . . .

*Steeples fingers*

Maybe some of those scenes don’t need to hide forever.


traffic-286462.jpgI passed the cabs on my way out of the hospital, opting to walk home along the quiet streets. The cloudless sky revealed a glimmer of stars overhead. Too bright for the occasion. The farther I walked, the guiltier I felt. I didn’t want to leave my mother’s body in the hospital. I wanted stand by her bed, speaking for her while she couldn’t. I owed her that, at least.

The night was cold. My toes and fingers ached. Finally inside my apartment building, I lumbered up the narrow stairs to my door. Before the place had been sectioned off it was a house, constructed for one of the oversized families living in Charlottetown a hundred years before. The ceilings were low. As large as I was, I sometimes felt like a giant entering a dollhouse.

Earwigs scattered in the kitchen as opened the door. Empty bottles, pill containers and fast food wrappers lay discarded on the counter. Dirty dishes overflowed from the sink. I kicked my shoes off and made my way to the bathroom. Pulling the string for the light, I came face to face with my reflection in the mirror, seeing myself as Vi would have in the last moments of her life. I winced. The hollow circles under my eyes appeared darker than usual, potholing into the sickly puffiness of my heavily stubbled cheeks and neck.

The last conversation I’d ever have with my mother imprinted itself in my mind, cycling over and over until it was all I could hear, taste, and smell.

“Your father was paranoid. He thought someone was after him. The fear of being found consumed him.”
“Found by who?”
She drew a long, steadying breath. “The Rocks, I think.”
“The Rocks?” I asked, attention rapt. “Are you sure?”
She didn’t answer, beginning to nod off.
I didn’t breathe. I couldn’t. I touched her arm. “Could it have been the Stones?” I swallowed. “The Stones of David?”
“Yes. Yes. That was it,” she answered finally, eyes closed. “The Stones of David.”

How had Iris known about the Stones of David if my father had been crazy? While I’d ignored her warning before, I couldn’t do it any longer. It was clear the woman knew something I didn’t.

“That medication is hindering your ability to discern fiction from reality.”

Retrieving the clozapine from behind my mirror, I sat in the living room. I lingered a long time, staring at the refuse on the coffee table and scattered along the floor–empty chip bags, glass bottles, and pizza boxes, the uneaten pieces stale. I spun the pill bottle over and over in my hand, watching as the sun began to rise outside my second story window. city-573775.jpgThe world beyond my vantage point stood startlingly still. The streets were empty, except for the cars and trucks tucked neatly along the sides of the road. Even the herculean elms that loomed high above the cracked sidewalks and the manicured gardens the residents of Upper Prince Street prided themselves on were completely unruffled by wind. It felt as if the world beyond my little window was holding its breath. Waiting on me.

When people began venturing out of their homes and into the street, and the sun broke free from the horizon, I realized I’d been up all night, deliberating. I looked at the pill bottle in my hand.

Since I began taking the medication eighteen years before I’d learned to live with my illness. I’d maintained the control my father couldn’t, for my mother’s sake. But, what if I wasn’t sick? It was a dangerous question, one I buried years before. But suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to believe Iris; to believe I wasn’t alone, now that Vi was gone.

I walked to the kitchen. Rummaging through a drawer beside the overflowing sink, I fished out the rest of my pills to examine the bottles. Some of them were still quite full. I carried them to the bathroom, bowing bowed my head as I passed under the low doorframe.

Having dropped the bottles into the sink in a plasticky clatter, I retrieved one. I unscrewed the childproof lid while pinching the sides, an endeavor that was as habitually familiar to me as bushing my teeth. Twice daily, every day. Eighteen years. I closed my eyes, pouring the contents of the bottle into the toilet bowl. I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at the capsules floating on the water.

Emptying the rest of the bottles was easy after that.

My senses heightened. Blood rushed through my veins, charged with adrenaline. I felt as though I was alive, truly alive, perhaps for the first time in my life. When I pushed the yellowed knob, the sound of the flush sounded like a chorus to my ears, a prayer, a victory cry. The pills swirled round and around again before they were suctioned into the connecting pipes and down, down, down into the sewer. Then the water ran, the toilet stilled, and it was finished.

Looking into the mirror again, I noticed a touch of grey in my beard.

I’d wasted so much time.


24 thoughts on “Deleted Scene / Old Souls

  1. Yeah, this was a good scene and it’s a shame you’ve decided to chop it out, but the idea of starting where you are now thinking about starting, that is a really good place to start.

    Did any of that make sense? Uhhh… Yeah, I think so. OK.

    I think when you publish the novel some of these deleted scenes and they will be a great material for your blog for anybody who wants to dive a little deeper into the story.

    And it is a great story!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m glad you found Space, Time, and Raspberries because it steered me here. Having read a few of your posts, I’m excited to meet you, though totally unprepared to contribute anything meaningful about final posts, time capsule writings and deleted scenes, or — especially — time management at this moment. There won’t always be a tomorrow, but my twinkly-eyed inner child skips through life with no thought for the future. Sometimes, I just follow her to discover where she’s going, and share her subconscious assumption that tomorrow will arrive just as today did. Anon. And on and on…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think all of us like the process of creating much better than the process of deciding what to leave in and what to leave out. Editing is the working part of writing. It is still worth it, though. Thanks for the words of wisdom (agony).

    Tim

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fwiw, this scene (though, woe, deleted) makes me want to read the book even though I don’t usually read fantasy. I’m not sure if it is the tone here or the quality of writing but it reminds me of The Dark Is Rising series (YA, but … I guess there should not be a but; it’s great). Anyway, happy writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I just had to stop and say oh yes, those poor favorite scenes that lay on the cutting room floor … Forever will they hold a place in my heart *sigh* haha! This does make you a better writer, though, or at least, that’s been my general experience. Knowing what works and what needs to be trimmed or removed entirely can only strengthen a story. We may like the scenes personally, but you have to get rid of what’s unnecessary to make room for what’s most interesting! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wonderful scene. I, too, had to lose about 30K words when I decided that the story was taking a different (better) direction that what I’d planned. I find uses for little bits of them here and there, but the bulk remain in a folder. Excellent idea to use them on a blog for a taste of your novel without publishing anything of the final book. I’m into my fourth year on a first draft due to changes (and lack of free time in which to write), so I’m getting used to hacking out things that don’t work. Doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. Best of luck; I look forward to the fruit of all your effort!

    Liked by 1 person

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